Techniques for portaloo usage: discuss

I know only too well, never got stuck in one, well not for like ages, have had door jam but usually these things are not made too well so sort of easy to bend the frame so that the door pops open, locked or not.

Only ever dropped mobile on the floor in one not down the pan.

Agree about the torch, no light in there if no light outside, like night, tough, feel your way round it I suppose, have had to do that a few times while camping at various events.

Posted over 3 years ago by cobo04 tipped with 1K

The trick is to go with a friend. They can wait outside and hold the door so you dont have to lock it and risk getting stuck inside. Also they can occasionally shout “Are you still there?” making sure your still consious.

Posted over 3 years ago by LittleEmily

wear a short skirt and no knickers all weekend. hovering a few inches over the seat is a lot easier if you’re not simultaneously trying to avoid dipping your trousers/gusset in the pool of piss on the floor.

Posted over 3 years ago by WeeGillie

Feel sexy and glamorous all at the same time.

Ugh.

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

Cobo, you’re a fucking poet mate:

Agree about the torch, no light in there if no light outside, like night, tough, feel your way round it I suppose, have had to do that a few times while camping at various events.

absinthe anyone

Posted over 3 years ago by willster

It’s tipped over, you’re covered in shit already, who cares for the hygiene of your mobile?

I’d keep a 3litre cider bottle to piss in, you can sell it to the worst casualties for a hefty mark-up once it’s cooled. For number 2s, a tupperware box keeps it fresh to take home and open in the lounge whenever you want a reminder of a muddy over-run field’s unique atmosphere.

I’m 74 today.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee

The cabin is tipped over and you are already covered in poo, definitely. The fear factor lies in having to root around the ubend with your bare, naked hand thus putting your face near the bowl.

You see? Poo and wee and we’re all nattering like…people talking about poo and wee at a festival.

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

Sounds like you’re describing quite a large part of the Isle of Wight.

Posted over 3 years ago by BraveNewMalden

Take a torch, toilet paper and a friend. Preferably a burly friend to discourage merry pranksters from trying to tip over the portaloo whilst you’re still in it. Last time I went to Reading festival some psychotic bastards were trying to set them on fire.

Practice holding your breath. If the weather is hot you do not want to have to breathe in whilst you’re in there.

Posted over 3 years ago by yossarian

After Keane have played I’m hardly going to be bothered by some shit in a portaloo.

Posted over 3 years ago by cutta

But your face will be caked in it anyway, in for a penny and all that.

I’ve little experience of festivals, I can’t abide students dressing like daddy can’t afford better, but I did once spend 4 days in a Greek jail. I usually shit twice daily, sometimes more if work’s slow and I’ve a new game on my phone, but for those 4 days I barely passed wind, let alone fecal matter. It wasn’t fear of my imminent incarceration that caused a blockage, just the thought of sharing a hole in the floor with my 30 Albanian cellmates. I approached it twice, I backed away beaten twice. Hold it in, change the subject, stop off at the pub before getting the ferry back.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee

Take a bucket and some bin liners. Line the bucket with a bin liner when you need to go, take bucket to the privacy of your own tent, sit on bucket, pee in comfort , dispose of bin liner, repeat as necessary.

Posted over 3 years ago by AssumingVakant

Willster

Poet – thought that meant somethine else apart from rhyming !!

Cheers m8.

Posted over 3 years ago by cobo04

AV, that is an astonishingly good tip. You could sell home made toilets at festivals and even set up a dedicated tent for the purpose. Well, I would pay 20p for a wee. That’s what it costs at Victoria Station.

Posted over 3 years ago by Chez

Liking my home comforts too much to be much of a festival frequenter, my only advice is second hand. But according to my friends who know about this sort of malarkey – head torches are the way ahead. Alright, you might look like a miner who’s lost his pit, but you’ll be able to see. Genius! Or so they say. I’ll be tucked up in my cosy bed, wishing I was less of a wuss and a bit more gung ho, but secretly revelling in the fact that I’ve got proper plumbing.

Posted over 3 years ago by SeeSee

Never ever use a portaloo on the last night of a festival – at Reading they used to tip them over trapping any unfortunates inside, nowdays the little 12 year old hoodie wearing scumfuckers set them alight. The explosions are pretty cool, but only from a distance!

Posted over 3 years ago by Morals

I long for the good old days where festivals were full of mucky people who were perfectly happy adding their own deposit to a mound of other peoples’ offerings to the god of sewerage. Being funny about toilets makes things worse, as people start hovering, missing, refusing to flush, and using all the water in about 5 visits.

Posted over 3 years ago by flippy

You’ve sold yourself short Chez, I got £20 to piss on an elderly gentleman at Euston.

Posted over 3 years ago by Mockernee

I find that the trusted schoolboy technique of pulling your top (jumper/blazer) over your face (nose) and breathing through the fabric radically reduces the pong!

Posted over 3 years ago by Gulliver

I didn’t realise that that hole on the side of the loo was for men to wee in. I assumed that they went in the bowl. Anyway, I rested my sunglasses in that hole and they went whizzing down into the tank.

Posted over 3 years ago by Natasha