Shouldn't IKEA stores have a health warning?

I’ve worked Ikea out. You have to treat it like a game.

Look for shortcuts. You can save 20 minutes this way. Don’t eat in the restaurant; just buy 8 30p hot dogs.

Reminds me of the trip home to Essex from Cardiff a few years ago where I promised the gf I’d pick up a chest of drawers. Cardiff Ikea were sold out. Bristol Ikea were sold out. Brent X Ikea were sold out. Lakeside had them in stock. By the end, I could ‘do’ Ikea in about 15 minutes.

Posted about 1 year ago by flippy

I quite like walking around it the wrong way, with an empty trolly, just to piss other shoppers off.

I also like their meatballs with chips. They’re clearly made of plastic, but plastic food can be fun sometimes.

Posted about 1 year ago by Babb

Shortcuts are everywhere, just take a compass and some sticks to make a fire. The best time to go is after 10.30pm mid-week – it’s almost civilised.

The only bit you can’t really circumvent is if you’re waiting to talk to a kitchen “expert” alongside a dozen other quietly desperate couples who have the hierarchy of the “queue” tattooed on the inside of their eyelids – woe betide if you try to sneak in on the QT. If anyone has any tips on silent and invisible queue jumping I’d be very grateful indeed.

loving the meatballs

Posted about 1 year ago by MrsMoo

That’s ME you’re pissing off Babb, I am that other shopper. Mind you I was doing the same myself the other day.

Oh and another thing. 75p to use a credit card.

“You see, by charging more, we can keep prices down.”

And delivery: You can order some items from the catalogue now and not have to go through the hell of a visit. I looked into it. Bookcase £28. Delivery £30.

“That way we can keep our prices low.”

Posted about 1 year ago by BoutrosBoutrosBoutros

Found this in their catalogue small print: “We make our stuff out of cheap shit that tends to drop to bits and because it’s cheap and you’re still buying it even though you know it won’t last, that proves you’re not particularly affluent which is why our condescending tone in all our communications is acceptable to you because after all you’re not that bright and so you’re probably used to it.”

Posted about 1 year ago by BoutrosBoutrosBoutros

I now have an agreement that I don’t go with Mrs. Pottytime. She can shop to her heart’s content and I’m willing to take the risk. I fucking hate the places – they’re so claustrophobic even though they appear so roomy to begin with.

I spend my time dreading being asked which cupboard or whatever I like. My only fine grasp of sanity is by trying to find IKEA names which are rude. I’ve failed so far…

save me from this

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime

Bra. There definitely used to be something called Bra. Not particularly rude I’ll admit…but come on, marketing people, rather crass.

They’re claustrophopic places not because they make you feel you can’t escape. You actually can’t escape.

Posted about 1 year ago by BoutrosBoutrosBoutros

If it’s the one in Wembley, off the North Circ., walk upstairs and diagonally to your left is the lift to take you down to the ground floor – it cuts about 5 miles off the walk round the store. IKEA has one use – the large blue plastic bags are 30p each and great for carrying stuff when you’re moving. Similar bags can be anything between £1.98 and £2 elsewhere! You can tell I thought long and carefully before posting this.

Posted about 1 year ago by Jimmy_London

At the Croydon farce you had to buy the bags because they wouldn’t let you take your trolley to the car and you couldn’t exactly leave your trolley out front while you fetched it. Now you can take your trolley to the car, so ALL CREDIT TO THEM!

I said I was in a better mood didn’t I.

Posted about 1 year ago by BoutrosBoutrosBoutros

I had to take a patio table (well, balcony table more than anything) back to the Croydon Hellhole.

I carted it there, was told that a replacement was “out of stock”, carted it back here, rang them every day for a month to be told it was still “out of stock”, carted it back and got a refund.It had been marked as faulty when some other mug had brought it back, and then put straight back on the shelf.

Cunts. They broke my heart, because their catalogue used to get me damp.

Posted about 1 year ago by Mamfer

Myself and Rogette have adopted a no-name approach to said establishment. So guaranteed is the place to incite a coronary in me that we simply refer to it as “that place of which we cannot speak” If forced to go there by virtue of ‘ette wanting a brightly coloured something made of chipboard and hatred, I refuse to take her with me as I feel I shall lose the will to live and take her down with me, strangling her with one of those frickin’ stuffed snakes…

aaaaaaaaagh

Posted about 1 year ago by Rog

Just this week I ordered a new kitchen there. It would have been last week, except when we got to the front of the kitchen-ordering queue, we were told by the bloke that he ‘wasn’t trained on the custom counter-top tool’. I offered to open the application and stick the dimensions in for him since that’s the only thing you need to do but he declined. So back to Ikea this week to order, found a man who WAS trained on the custom tool, and when we humbly asked for a print out summary at the end, his helpful co-worker came over to do it and deleted the entire order. In one click of a button. Now that’s good computer skills.

But hey, I still have the fun of assembling it ahead.

Posted about 1 year ago by MonkeysAhoy!

Cunts. They broke my heart, because their catalogue used to get me damp.

@Mamfer – TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION.

Posted about 1 year ago by Morals