Pre or post-prandial crackers?

Our Christmas Mystery Meal was at 4pm which is really awkward in terms of categorisation. Crackers were completely forgotten because we were all so bloody hungry by then, and then hastily detonated post meal.

There was no gunpowder plot as such

Posted about 1 year ago by MarkE

Best answer so far. You are tantalisingly close to those kudos, MarkE. I bet you can barely contain your indifference.

Posted about 1 year ago by BraveNewMalden

Our Christmas lunch generally starts at around 3pm. Having two kids means that any form of protocol is near impossible. Crackers are generally opened just after starters are served. One year, the crackers were served with little plastic whistle thingies which ostensibly made a particular note when blown. Yeah – right.

Anyway – instead of a joke – each cracker had a little tune which you had to make by blowing the right crackers (PT hastily avoids any dodgy jokes).

Mine was so complex that I eventually gave up and shouted “BURMA!” which is another Python quote and another link to another thread.

The trouble is that if I now say “I’ll get me coat” then I’m just back in that thread again, aren’t I?

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime

Before. Unless starters are already on the table when people sit down, in which case they should be pulled between the starter and main course. So until the food arrives, the trinkets can distract children who are probably crashing after a chocolate breakfast, the ‘jokes’ or ‘brainteasers’ can entertain the easily amused and hard-of-thinking, while the hats ensure that everyone looks like a cunt for the whole of the meal. Cracker hats are a great leveller.

Two years ago we had the musical crackers that Potty refers to. They resulted in a degree of unruly behaviour (some called it ‘fun’), but I was able to regain control of proceedings by the time the main course was served.

And does anyone call it Christmas dinner?

Posted about 1 year ago by Spammed

Double post! I haven’t had one of those in a long time.

Posted about 1 year ago by Spammed

It didn’t show as a double post.

What sort of hats make you all look like cunts for the whole of the meal. Merkins?

Yes – It’s always Christmas Dinner! Christmas Lunch sounds too posey, Christmas Pret a Manger while probably not inappropriate some places, is probably not used, and what else could we call it?

I’m just going to have grub irrespective of the season.

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime

It didn’t show as a double post because I had the brilliant idea of editing the second post to say ‘Double post!’ etc. I would have deleted it altogether but the last time I tried that (admittedly a long, long time ago), it didn’t work and I wasn’t prepared to invest another mouse click to try it again.

christmas lunch not Christmas Dinner

Posted about 1 year ago by Spammed

Spammed, your explanation of how you got round it being a double post made me lose the will to live. Any wubsequent posts will be from The Late Potty Time.

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime

I don’t think you can really blame Spammed for explaining the situation given that you had challenged the veracity of his statement, potty… And it was reasonably easy to work out what had actually happened even before his explanation…

Anyway, all things considered, this thread is going rather poorly, I reckon. The best thing about it is the word “wubsequent”, which I hope you have sufficient integrity to leave unedited now.

I’m in the “Christmas Dinner” camp, even though it’s generally a lunchtime thing. Crackers to be pulled reasonably early in the meal, to allow enough time for someone’s forehead to get sufficiently sweaty to cause a hat-coloured line to appear above their eyes.

We’ve also had the whistles-and-carol-sheets crackers in previous years, and my brother is a black belt in classical music and conducting, so likes to try to get us organised enough to play the tunes with two- or more- part harmonies. He’s easily good enough at pointing to the right people at the right time to make chords etc., but we’re far too rubbish to follow his instructions. The result sounds a bit like those awful school Recorder Ensembles for the non-musical kids.

Posted about 1 year ago by My_Left_Foot

your explanation of how you got round it being a double post made me lose the will to live

My work is done.

A plague on the Christmas Dinner camp

Posted about 1 year ago by Spammed tipped with 1K

Posted about 1 year ago by middleofnowhere

Outstanding! Please let us know what was inside? Did the novelty items manage to disappoint, even at that price? Were the jokes somehow even worse than the ones you get in more-expensive crackers?

Posted about 1 year ago by My_Left_Foot

Before. Although I have an irrational fear of loud noises, so I don’t actually get involved in the cracker pulling. Do I win a prize for my borderline OCD?

Posted about 1 year ago by Babb

This was surely a trick question, before is the only answer. and yes it is christmas dinner. and while I am at it, being dogmatic, I do not believe those crackers are/were real, even Tesco wouldn’t have branded each cracker like that. so there

Posted about 1 year ago by archetype

I’ve found the will to live – it had rolled under the guest bed. I’ve left everything to myself, so no surprises there.

Those Tesco Christmas crackers are fab, but I think they should have been made out of The Big Issue covers.

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime

Christmas dinner. Obv.

Either between the starter & main course or during the starter, if my mum can’t restrain herself.

There’s no way those crackers are real.

Posted about 1 year ago by AdrianCooper

Pull cracker before dinner (at lunchtime). Put cheese on it afterwards

mmm cheese

Posted about 1 year ago by iSleepDiagonal

People, please. Christmas dinner is 32% less enjoyable without novelty paper hats. The hats are in the crackers. Ergo, crackers must be pulled before the meal or you ruin everything. Incidentally, giving the children the novelty trinkets from the crackers to play with and swallow also occupies them leaving adults free to argue. This adds yet another layer of opening-the-cracker-before-the-meal-ness to this already obvious conclusion.

This site has absolutely no clue sometimes. No clue.

looks for and fails to find said clue

crackers cranberries zombie

Posted about 1 year ago by UncleGeorge

Headgear, novelty or otherwise, severely reduces my appetite and therefore reduces my enjoyment of Christmas dinner (yes dinner, that’s non-negotiable) but hats must be worn, that is the rule. As I loath and detest all things Christmas it suits me just fine. Crackers at the start, hats on head, and humbug to the lot of you.

Posted about 1 year ago by middleofnowhere

My head circumference is 24” (this sounds like one of those dodgy ads, doesn’t it?) which means that most hats out of crackers don’t fit my head, which is always very sad. I try to join in with the Christmas jollity but my helmet won’t fit, it’s a little hard.

Have I fitted in enough pathetic double entendres

Posted about 1 year ago by pottytime