Time to pick a POTUS

Posted 2 months ago 4 responses

It’s nearly time for the disgusting, reprehensible turds on the other side of the water to vote for a new president, so we thought we should bring you up to speed with who you should be cheering and who you should be booing. Or something.

Apart from possibly changing global politics forever, what we like about the US elections is that it brings out the best US satire, some great writing, and even the film industry likes to chip in

There are some fine upstanding citizens backing the candidates too, like Amanda Knox, up for the murder of Brit Meredith Kercher, who is backing Obama and, of course, the leader of the Imperial Klans of America, Ron Edwards, backing McCain, who describes Obama as a piece of shit.

Mind you, it’s only like when Reggie “Shake-you-by-the-hand-before-slitting-your-throat” Kray came out in favour of Tony Blair during the UK elections in 1997.

This time, it seems to be all about the youth vote. While the Obama camp was happy to spank nearly $44,500 on a billboard ad in Burnout Paradise City, McCain was busy admitting he didn’t know how to use a computer or send an email, while one of his aides claims he invented the BlackBerry. Curious times. Obama’s trying to pull in the younger ‘reprehensible turds’ via Facebook, with his group message board containing advice on how to give him $20 and how to carve a Halloween Pumpkin with a political message. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin has a terribly modern internet thingy here, where you can muck about with her speeches like you’ve got nothing better to do than try and make the woman who puts the ‘alas’ in Alaska sound faintly, remotely sensible.

Merchandise isn’t thin on the ground, nor are campaign-related songs, which are always shit, or even worse . Then there’s the deeply annoying and the bizarrely compelling

In the final week of campaigning, the big news – in case you missed it – was that Obama didn’t know about his illegal auntie , Sarah Palin didn’t know who she was talking to, while McCain, my friend, was waiting for the plumber in Ohio

McCain is a true maverick – a Republican without money; Palin looks destined to become a white Oprah, while Obama is a nerd, loved by nerds Let’s just put that out there. He may appeal to a number of white Americans trying to appear to be cool in front of their white friends by voting for the black bloke; but he’s still a nerd. A big eared, smooth talking nerd, people. If Obama gets in, the greatest change to American society might just be the smashing of the stereotype that all black people are cool and all nerds are white.

With more than 20 million votes already in, and Americans seemingly happy to queue for four and a half hours to exercise their prerogative in a small private booth, all that remains to be said is I know who I’d like to see in the White House in 2012

US Election vote America decides hamburger or hotdog ketchup or mustard McCain or Obama cheats thieves and liars

4 responses