The Plinth Poll: Results
Posted 7 months ago 0 responses
So, those of you who are eagle-eyed enough may have noticed our sexy new feature on the right of the home page: the Kudocities Weekly Poll. A chance for you to voice your outrageous opinions on a subject of our choice. Or you may have noticed it simply because you have some sort of wandering eye problem. Whatever.
Anyway, the first poll we conducted was to decide what sort of lump of artistic niceness should next sit on the fourth plinth. The fourth plinth, of course, being a blob of stone on one corner on London’s most treasured pigeon shit repository, Trafalgar Square.
It’s long been the subject of much controversy, but being the sophisticated young things that you are, you’ve voted for…....[drum roll] Anthony ruddy Gormley. Him of the cloud in a box, Angel of the North and those gloomy figures all over the place.
We expected his effort to be something cock-based, or another self-indulgent sculpture, but interestingly enough, he wants to use the space to get (8,760) people to stand on it for an hour at a time, in a move described by him as follows: “Through elevation onto the plinth and removal from common ground, the subjective living body becomes both representation and representative, encouraging consideration of diversity, vulnerability and the individual in contemporary society.”
Yes, Anthony.
Turner Prize-winning Gormley, of course, was delighted when we told him of his victory. “I can’t wait to see up women’s skirts as they stand on the plinth,” he salivated, while revealing the true pervy nature of his art.
The second most popular artist was Yinka Shonibare, offering a replica of HMS Victory in a bottle. It would be interesting to see how long the bottle lasted before it got smashed by an angry tramp keen to get his hands on the ship; shat on by pigeons until HMS Victory was obscured by plop, or filled with rubbish placed there by cheeky chavs.
We’re happy Emin didn’t get that much of the vote, she’d probably just drop her pants and piss all over the plinth, in an act designed to confuse the pigeons but, at least, make old people feel right at home.
You’ve had your say.
But sadly, the future of the fourth plinth rests in the clammy, flacid hands of new London Mayor, Boris Johnson, who, before he got voted in, pledged support to replace the rotating programme of modern art on the plinth with a permanent statue of Air Chief Marshal Sir Keith Park, a Battle of Britain hero.
And while he now seems to be keeping schtum about his decision on the future of the plinth, if it’s decided to keep the current programme going, and Gormley wins, we hope dear Boris will be one of the volunteers willing to stand on the plinth for an hour so we can throw eggs at him.
Meanwhile, keep your myopic eyes peeled for another thrilling poll, folks…......
